Falling In Love With Austin… All Over Again

Last week, my friend at work – Davis – was forced upon penalty of death (or rather, penalty of an eternal cold shoulder) to issue a formal statement to me. In this statement, he apologized for calling me a Florida Gator.

That’s how I roll. Formal, written statements for denying me my burnt orange heritage.

I had spoken to my company’s controller about my personal development, and she and I both agreed that Jillian needed some, well, Jillian-time. And so that’s what I filed for when I submitted my PTO request to HR. Some Jillian-time. It wasn’t a lie, oh no – and I’m sure that everyone at my company could attest to this – it was the furthest thing from a secret. Jillian Fortin needed some time to relax, refocus and rejuvenate.

So, she – err, I – headed on down to my second home.

Hello, Austin.

I hadn’t been in Austin for the longest time – I couldn’t even remember the last time I was there. The moment I drove through, though, something familiar yet almost foreign (ooo, look at you and the dramatic oxymorons, Jillian) was reignited inside of me; unearthed and resurrected. Visiting old friends and familiar places threw kindling upon this fire. I walked up and down the Six Pack and reminisced about my English classes and creative writing seminars. I perused through the merchandise at the Co-op, hoping to discover some discount digs or awesome buys (and, since it was the Co-op, I didn’t find any). I strolled down San Antonio with Jojo, telling her stories about my time there.

Photo Credit: Sara Keihany

And I had some quality time with my BFF Sara as we watched the TX/Colorado game, and then even more with the old crew at Duval Condominiums, which was basically my stomping ground during my last year at UT.

UT Tower After Beating Colorado!

Though my time in Austin was short, it allowed me to really get things in perspective. Humans have a bad habit of sticking close for inordinate amounts of time, hoping the solution will reveal itself. Nine times out of ten, the solution lies in separating yourself from the situation – stepping outside the bubble – and seeing the whole picture for what it is. Such a simple lesson, maybe… but it’s something a lot of adults tend to forget.

One weekend in Austin allowed me to determine where I currently am in the grand scheme of things, and where I want to be. Kinda like the map at the mall. Picture the large, foil dot with “You Are Here” printed on it, and then tracing your finger along the path to Aldo, Neiman, Victoria’s Secret, or whatever destination you want to get to.

I had to ask myself: Why did I wait so long to return to Austin? Why did I wait before I felt this way again? How could I live with the fact that I allowed myself to be dead for so long? Austin was a blessing, because it thoroughly resuscitated the shell I had been hiding in. I realized that I’ve been inactive – not because of laziness or procrastination – but because of fear. How silly! Fear of taking a plunge… fear of putting myself at risk… fear of what happens when you open the door into a land unknown.

I really love this picture of the Renaissance Market on the Drag, taken during my mini-vaca:

Renaissance Market on the Drag (credits: Sara Keihany)

This market is the central hub for many local artists and tradesmen. It was one of my favorite places to visit after class or on the weekends. I used to see so many beautiful things and converse with so many interesting people that I was literally enamored and enraptured with the atmosphere.

While I’m taken by the vibrance of the murals’ colors and the jovial nature of the jewelry makers in their kiosks, it’s hard to ignore the taped off, broken pavements and construction cones aligning the work areas. Such a blemish in contrast to the brilliant colors and lovely people.

But I know it’s only temporary. Because like me, the Renaissance Market is a work-in-progress.

So many people depend on it, just like many depend on me. I’d be stupid to give up, or throw in the towel, or say sayonara just because I’ve got a couple cracks in me. With the help of people who love me and need me, I can become a better person. With their help, the beauty people see in me now will only grow, thrive and flourish in the times to come.

And (you have to agree) that is a great feeling.